Don’t you just wish James Cameron would fuck off?
If you are anything like me (if you are reading this then I am assuming you are) don’t you just wish James Cameron would fuck off?
He’s not content with defiling his past works on Aliens and Terminator 2 with shoddy romance films and half assed sci-fi movies that even Disney-Pixar scoffed at. No he isn’t content with charging you £12 to see his shit 3D movie, well at the very least I guess it proved we don’t need 3D in films… TV and Games well that’s a story for another day and blog post, but movies… I think I would rather a fat naked sweaty man standing next to me in the cinema, slapping me in the face with his cock every 30 seconds then sit through another movie in atrocious, migraine inducing 3D.
So when I read the news just a few short minutes ago that James Cameron would be returning this winter with two works of wonderful 3Dness this winter, well you can imagine my joy. The first?
Titanic 3D! Wow thanks James, you are really spoiling us. One of the longest, most boring movies of all time is coming to 3D. For a second consider this JC, that movie will NOT benefit from 3D because nothing bloody happens in it. If I can touch some 3D boob then maybe it will be ok, but worth the entry price? No fucking way! Give us Aliens in 3D you bastard, that will at least be cool with Aliens exploding out of peoples chests right at our faces… but no we have some decrepit old boat sinking for 3 hours – cheers for that.
The second and most anger inducing of the news? I will present it to you in the way I imagine me having this conversation with mr JC,
“Avatar is back to the cinema”.
You fucking what?
“Yes! All the fans wanted more set on Pandora – they wanted to see more! I have given them what they wanted!”
Oh… so what like an extra 30 minutes? Maybe even an hour of extra time on Pandora – exploring the wonder of the jungle in digital 3D? Maybe even with that new 4th colour added to the RGB? Really bring out the yellow in those birds?
“oh, no no! Much better then that!”
“8 minutes of new footage! 8 glorious minutes. Back to the cinema, come spend your £12 and see these 8 minutes only in 3D- wont it be wonderful!”
My morning wank takes longer then 8 minutes James, you stupid bastard.
“wait what are you doing with that knife…. NO! NOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo…….*gurgle*”
Fuck you James. Fuck the whole movie industry. Start bringing us some new movies, for real. Instead of a new 3D movie, maybe even a sci-fi in 3D that has some balls to it… that’s what some of us who actually regularly pay to go to the cinema want…
Take your 8 minutes, your expensive tickets and your bloody shit cardboard glasses, and shove em up your ass Cameron you poor excuse of a director.